Osama Bin-Hansen???

This is an actual photo of Heath Hansen....

The stories of Heathcliffe Hansen are Multifaceted...i will now explain the unexplainable..in easy to understand numbered points to get to the bottom of what he was CREATED to become...

1. His Bionic Knee - In an effort to cover up his Bionic upgrades, the Taliban engineered a ruse so that "Heaths" recovery would be overlooked, an extremely large 28 year old man substituted at catcher on an opposing baseball team and while Heath was on third, and he was sent home on an infield pop up....and every baseball lover knows that you would never try to score on a sacrifice fly to the second baseman.

2. Unnaturally low voice in 7th grade - When Heath came to school that year his voice was somewhere between James Earl Jones and an emphysema patient. What really happened was he turned 19 that year.... he was really 6 years older than his "brothers" How you ask?? His mother was blackmailed into telling all her neighbors by the Taliban that she was having 3 children, when in fact that day in Holland Hospital only 2 children were born....

3. 98% of his Body is covered in hair - I have never seen his entire body but this is a computer generated image of his body, that is a "Hairrorist" if i ever saw one.

4. Athletic Ability that know no bounds - I have never once seen Luke or Lee foul out of a basketball game on 6 straight charges in the first quarter, the only one is the so called "Hansen" Heath, and the only reason is the other 9 players couldn't keep up with him because he was always 8 to 10 years older than everyone else. It was probably lonely being so advanced at such a young age, and eerily sad for him leading to this fact...

5. He listened to the song Strawberry Wine for 9 consecutive months - No self respecting Dutch Man would listen to such a sad, gay, womanly song on the premise that it was "stuck in his CD player" but an Arab would...

6. He is a Cubs fan - Cheering on a team that will never win a world series with the slogan Wait till next year is akin to believing that strapping a bomb on your body and pressing a button will give you an eternity of 77 virgins.... both are as likely as pigs flying.

So the real question is, Was Heath created to be an assassin, father assassins, bring the American sports landscape to a halt by giving bad therapy to athletes, create a false life for Osama Bin Ladin to step into and hide, or can he de-program himself and the years of indoctrination and live a happy normal life?? We may never know till its too late.